"Make Me A Pebble"

What do you see in me that I could be used to serve you, Lord? I feel honored that you called me. Whatever you ask of me, I will do. You are my Lord. I will not fear your call, for you know me completely and recognize what i can do for you. I praise you and say "yes" to your call. I know you are with me to help and guide. I'm not a rock like Peter, but I can be a pebble that serves you. I am your child and you are my God. Thank you for accepting my strengths and weaknesses. How exciting it will be in this venture and I obey your call and see great things happen in your name! Take me, Lord. Use me. Let me glorify your name. Whatever you ask of me, I will do.

"Hear the Call"

I hear Jesus call to Me,
"There's Work for you to do"
I see many hurting souls.
"Come, show them life anew"
"You must reap the harvest
of those who search for Me"
I still hear Him calling;
"From Sin I'll set them free"
God, why must I be the one?
Why are you calling me?
"Because I need your help,
My Child"
Then here am I send me, Dear Dear Lord!

I received both of the things above, in a letter from a dear friend that goes to my church. Both encouraging and ironic. Have I not said the same words before with out even seeing this. I'm not the only person to be burdened for the hearts of God's creation.

But then as I continued to read the letter....

"Dearest Jess, I am so proud of you! You are a Beautiful young lady inside and out. Your testimony is so precious and you have been such a good example to the other young ladies in our fellowship."

I realized that, the partthat is the hardest is not the finally giving in to the Lord and letting Him take me across the world. But the hadest part is staying and being the example I need and should be. Sometimes it's easier to work with complete stangers, because you expect rejection and accept it as part of witnessing. But when you have to stand for what you believe in, in front of your family and friends, and they reject it. That's the hard part. The hard part is staying and being misunderstood. Being taken as a snob or someone that thinks they are high and mighty. The hard part is staying and dealing with people expecting so much, yet not accepting what they are given because it's too much. Maybe I don't make sense. Yes, there will be hard times in the road ahead, but all I can do is lean on the Lord because the road is just beginning. I've decided to let the Lord take control... but he's just beginning with me. He has far more for me to go through. What does this pathway hold for me? Many difficult times. The path isn't smooth. As I stand in my spot right now and look down the road I can see bumps that will need to be passed. But there are many I can't see because I can't see the entire road. And all I can do is trust that the Lord will help me over the bumps in the road and I will make it to the end of my journey. He will make his little pebble into a beautiful smooth stone that he can throw into the midst of a problem. And it may make ripples at first, but they will subside. I just pray the Lord will use me and perfect me.

Even talking to the Calvanist Pastor is a way of useing me. It may not have benefitted the Pastor, but maybe it benefitted the people that listened to us or the people that found out about it. And I know it benefitted me. But I want to continue doing these things for Christ. I'm living for Christ and I can't let myself sink into the same thing most Americans do... selfish idleness. I'm not living for people or myself. How many times must I remind myself of this? So what if people think me as a crazy Jesus fanatic. Or if they find me pushy or intimidating. The thing is, it's not what people say or think. I must say what God is telling me to say. And learn to keep my mouth shut. I just thank the Lord he is beginning to teach me when to keep my mouth shut. Because it's not the talking I have a hard time with, but the staying quiet.

So beyond it all, is the matter of being an example not only in China... and across the world, but in this little place called Downeast Maine. To family, Friends, and strangers. To learn to get over myself and my fear of not being accepted and just do the things God is telling me to do!

It was absolutly amazingly encouraging to recieve the Letter... may I encourage you all to send letters like that to people... even if it's just a "I'm praying for you". We all love recieveing them... so let's all send them too!