I needed the cure for life, I had the biggest heart break ever! Let me tell you how I found the cure:

"Jesus loves you so much the he would die for you! And when he died for you, he made a way for you get to heaven! And the gift is there for you to take at any time! You just have to accept it, by telling Jesus you believe he died for you, and that you want to spend eternity with Him. That you want that gift!"

I remember my teacher saying those words so plainly! I remember the burning desire I had in my heart to stay and have her help me take that gift that Jesus was waiting to give me. But I was far to shy and when the class was over I went on through the day as if nothing was wrong. But in my heart the Lord was whispering to me, and I knew I wanted to accept that gift.

I went home and the evening was miserable, my mother was upset with me, I don't remember why and I don't remember all the circumstances all I remember is I was sent to bed early. I wasn't at all tired, and I layed there staring at the dark ceiling. Thoughts of the morning class filled my head, "All you have to do is pray and ask Jesus into your heart". Did Jesus really accept me for who I was? I knew he did, I was just so scared! After a few moments of silent torture, I made the desision. The desision that would change my life forever!

"Dear Heavenly Father, I believe that you died for me. I believe that you love me. Please come into my heart and stay. Help me to follow you. In Jesus Name, Amen" I prayed,the pray of a young child. At the time I was only seven. I wanted to get up and dance around the room, I wanted to tell my Mom, but didn't dare get out of bed and make her angry again. I couldn't stop smiling! I fell into a peaceful sleep knowing that Jesus loved me!

I went on with my life, nothing really changed for me, except I went to church with my aunt every Sunday. My parents, got me ready and sent me off, but they never came with me. I asked my father questions, "Dad, are we going to eat in Heaven? In Sunday school they meantioned a tree of life with beautiful fruit on it. Will we eat from that" I would ask. And he would answer with, "I don't know sweetheart, I've never heard of a tree of life. Maybe, you should ask your teacher."

Later, I found out that neither of parents were saved, but they believed there was a God and that's why they sent me to a Christian school and even let me go to church. I remember praying for them once in a while. I wanted them to be happy like me.

After a while I didn't go to church anymore, maybe it was because my parents were tired of sending me, or maybe I decided I didn't want to go anymore. I can't remember why I stopped going. But one Saturday afternoon we got a phone call, it was my aunt, She asked my parents if they would come to this new church they had been going to, the Pastor was having a birthday so there was going to be a potluck lunch afterwards. My Mom said she would talk about it with my Dad and maybe they would come. A few hours later we got another phone call from my uncle, asking my Dad if he would come to their church the Pastor was having a birthday and there was going to be a meal afterwards. I knew we would be going, my Dad never said no to his brother, they were to close.

So the next morning, Mum dressed me up in my best dress and they put my little brother in a suit for the first time. And we all headed for the church, which was held in a community building. I didn't pay much attention to the message, the guy seemed boring to me. I just wanted to get out of there.

I remember sticking close to my mom during the lunch. I knew no one except my cousins. We didn't stay very long and then we left.

Something that I will never forget, something that meant more to me then words could ever portray is the next Sunday when I woke up. I walked out of my room all sleepy eyed, and Mum had just finished giving Dad a hair cut. Mum looked Furious, but Dad was smiling. He asked me to come over to him, so I did, wondering what was wrong that Mum could be so angry. And he said, "Last night on my way home from work, I asked the Lord into my heart."

I was so happy for my Dad, I cried and cried! I was so happy for him! I think it made my mom even more mad, but I was so happy, I remembered when I got saved all curled up in my bed at night. I remembered how happy I was! And I was so happy the my Dad could be that happy also!

We went to church, and I remember Dad getting up and giving his testimony. I don't remember everything he said, but I do remember that my Dad was crying because he was so happy. I had never in my entire life seen my Dad cry!

After that we continued to go to Sunday services, when Dad had nights off he would take us to Wensday Prayer meetings also. Dad often left to go to men's meetings.

My mother was really mad, she was furious. I remember crying myself to sleep most nights, because I thought my parents were going to get devorced. They fought constently, both of my parents had quick tempers.

One particular night, my Dad had gone to a men's meeting and he was very late getting home. My room used to be right across from my parents. My Mom was so scared, she thought something had happened to Dad, because he was on medication for high blood pressure. She called so many people, and when he finally got home at midnight, she was extremely angry with him. They yelled at each other for over an hour, the entire time I was crying, but trying to pertend I was asleep. Dad said he needed to stay and talk to some people because he had so many questions. He said he wanted to start giving money to the church. Mum said they couldn't find enough money for the bills now, how were they going to do something like that. Finally, I fell asleep.

About a month later, my Mom told the church during blessing time, that she had asked the Lord into her heart. I was again so happy! I never cried, I suppose it was because I couldn't do that in front of people, but I was happy for her.

I started to make friends in our new found church, but I never really listened to what the Pastor was saying. Just kind of made friends.

My new friends, were home schooled! I thought this was so cool! I spent alot of time thinking about how neat it would be if I were home schooled. My Dad worked the night shift at work, he left right when I got out of school and worked until midnight. Then he would sleeping when I got up in the morning, so I never saw much of him. So I begged my parents to homeschool me. My parents prayed alot about it and they finally said yes.

A Couple years went by, I was homeschooled, we were going to church, I was spending time with friends, but for me I wasn't growing in the Lord. Church was boring, the only good thing about it was I got to see my friends.

I started by not having a good attitude. Then I began doing exactly the opposite my parents told me. I started to hate being at home, I hated homeschooling. I hated my parents. I starting likeing guys, I began listening to evil and satanic music behind my parents backs. I wrote very evil stories and music, I talked about horrid topics with my friends. I hung out with more and more guys. Talked to guys on the phone. Hung out with the wrong friends, I began to swear when my parents weren't around. It continued to get worse and worse. The only thing my parents knew was that I was terribly difficult child and I never listened. I was on the verge of making some mistakes that would scar my life forever. Not only hurting myself but other people, when my parents found my "stash". I had pictures, my stories and music, my diary, letters, and other things hidden in my room.

My mother was cleaning my room while was gone and found some of the stuff. She found it by mistake, and it was only a folder, but Mum looked through it. And inside was my heart, and how black it had become. I was working at the time, but when I got back from work, my parents were not at all happy with me.

My parents spent months trying to get me back on track. I remember going to my friends and apologizing to each of them. I remember being grounded from going or doing anything for a while. I wasn't allowed to go to my friends house any more. I wasn't allowed to use the phone.

Mum put me in a homeschool group, and the kids there were young and immature (in my mind). I did get along with one girl, her name was Autumn. But it wasn't like my other friends. My mom got to know this lady, her name was Sheila. And she had a daughter that was about my age, but she was quiet and shy. My mom wanted me to get to know her more, so I did spend alot of time with her, but my heart was still with my old friends. My heart was still in the world, though I pleased my parents only to survive another day. It's not your actions that make you a Christian, it's your thoughts and your devotion and relationship with the Lord. Once you have that your actions will reflect your heart.

My parents thought they could trust me, and I was allowed to have my old friends back. Casting aside all my new made friends, I jumped into the old life. Calling guys, spending time with them, and other things.

I must say, I don't keep secrets well. My parents found out once again, by over hearing a conversation. They swore that I would not be in contact with any of my old friends again. The best thing they could have ever done for me.

The Lady my mother met, Shelia, her daughter's name was Laura. I got to know her more and more. And she invited me to go to camp with her one summer. I went thinking it would be nice for some fun. The week held so much for me. My counselors were a great explample to me, and my junior counselor gave her testimony one evening. It meant alot to me, and I looked up to her for having such courage to prusue the things of the Lord. I rededicated my life to the Lord that week.

If your best friend gave you a beautifully bound gift, would you look at it, say thank you, then set it on the desk? Nevering opening it, just looking at it's beauty? That is what I did with the gift of salvation the Lord offered me. I accepted the gift, but I set it on a shelf in my room, only to look and admire it. Never to open it, and use what was given to me. I'm not the only one that has done this, so many call themselves Christians, but there gifts are still sitting on the shelf. Christian, once you accept the gift, don't set it down, open it, use it! Use it until it is old and rugged and falling apart, then use it some more!

I then opened my gift! After so many years of letting it sit on the shelf, I opened it, but I still wasn't quiet sure how to use my gift. I new how to use it partically, because I had heard the gospel preached so many times, yet I still had so much to learn.

I began participating in home school activities. I met new friends, and became closer to them. I must say though, there wasn't a friend I was seriously close to, someone I could tell every secret to. Someone that would understand me, and be serious with me, but someone that was as crazy and fun as I was! I began to strengthen my gift, and I found this brand new feature to it; prayer. I began using it, I prayed the Lord would send me a friend that would help me grow in the Lord. I prayed that she would be fun, yet serious. I couple months later, I became good friends with, Eustacia. I can not put into words how perfectly the Lord answered my prayer. I believe both Eustacia and I have grown closer to the Lord! We are able to be there for each other and encourage each other. We have learned together, and we can be crazy together! I learned later that Eustacia was also praying for a friend! This showed me the results you get from your gift!

I joined a group called Time Travelers. Mothers teach the classes, and we meet together in groups to learn more about the Lord and school classes. The Older girls had devotions together. All of us grew in the Lord more and more, together. Teaching each other the values of the Lord.

I was finally listening to the messages at my church. The more of the word you hear, the closer you draw to the Lord. I can't tell you how much the Christian people I surround myself with at my church have helped me draw closer to my Lord! I wasn't just from the messages that I learned things, it was the in between times we spent with people. Listening to them talk of the Lord. When you can sit back and listen to someone tell of how the Lord has helped them through a situation, through a tough time in their life, it becomes so much more real!

The Lord put so many Christians in my life, real Christians! Christians that are using there gift and working on becoming professionals at using it. Not Christians that have set in on the shelf. And the Lord put so many circumstances in my life to grow me up. Often times we don't learn from doing things right, we learn from doing things wrong. It's ok to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them.

Today, my relationship with the Lord is tightly bound! No one can tear the bounds that keep me close to my Lord. They are to tightly wrapped! The Lord has changed my heart, and today I am working on having a Heart the Serves:

Dear Abba Father,

May my life be a living sacrifice for you! I want to give you every part of my life to be given to your work, and your service! "Oh Lord, you have searched me
and you know me." You know my every thought, Lord! Lord, I pray that you will make them honoring to you, so that my actions my reflect my heart. ^"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Show me how to be a servant, teach me how to be selfless! Serving you, is not just witnessing, and using the gift you have given me. Serving is putting my self below all else so that I may lift you on high. That you may be seen far above everything else in my life. I pray you will make my heart draw closer to you every day. I Praise you, Abba! Thank you for giving your life that I may be forever yours in glory! "To live is Christ and to die is gain" Help me cherish my life, and look for your coming! Thank you for being my Hero! In your precious name, Amen

Romans 1:16 "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, then to the Greek."